Some splanin' to do

Last week one of my English professors emailed me asking to give one of her first-year advisees some, well, advice. She was considering picking up a magazine major in addition to her English major and wasn't quite sure.

I emailed her and told her about the professors and the classes and why I decided to be a magazine major in the first place.

And the most amazing thing happened. I got excited again. I got excited because I was explaining to this student, a girl I have never met before, why she should be a magazine major. Why it's fun. Why it's worth it. What she'll get out of doing this.

It just reminded me of the time when I was excited about it, too. When hunting down sources for something was an exciting challenge, not an irritating chore. Interviews were cool. I loved saying I was with the media. I loved writing and reading and writing some more. It was all exactly what I wanted to do.

And I realized by talking to this stranger that it is still exactly what I want to do. I'm still having these weird problems with apathy, but I know now it's not because I don't WANT this. I do. I'm just trapped in this weird place where I'm tired of school but I'm terrified of it ending because I have NO IDEA what is on the other side. I know I'll be ok, but I still don't know what even that means.

But the good thing that came out of doubting myself this way was that it forced me to think about what else I want to do and I came up with some really cool options. I would love to do educational programming somewhere like the zoo. Or special event planning (like Race for the Cure or Night Eyes or other huge community fundraiser types of things like that). Or volunteer coordination for a non-profit.

I'm interested in all sorts of things and, yes, I absolutely would love to write for a magazine that's applicable to a topic I'm interested in, but there are so many other options. Maybe I wanted myself to not love journalism anymore because things are so grim right now in the industry. Maybe I wanted myself to move on to something else so I could be happy with what I'm doing after I graduate. It's really hard to say.

But at the end of the day I am in love with journalism, but with a lot of other things, too. And that's only good news because it means I have options. A lot of them. Because maybe I won't be journalism-ing soon after graduation, but I can still be doing something I love. I just have to find a job that qualifies.

I know it seems I'm terribly hot and cold these days about school, but I think that's nothing but realistic. Things are sometimes so great and so clear to us but then there are these obstacles and we get confused and lost but we have no choice but to forge ahead because we can either push through it ourselves or have time drag us through kicking and screaming. Some days I'm armed with boots and a machete and other days I have road rash on my butt.