The accident

This past weekend was APO's regional conference in Duluth, MN. It's a whopping six hour drive, but we decided it was worth it.

We were on our way back and just outside of St. Paul late Sunday morning when traffic came to an immediate halt going both directions. We had no idea what was going on. There was a truck going north that had pulled over with its hazards on. And we saw a guy run through the median to a car going south. There was another car pulled over with the driver talking on his cell phone and looking really distressed.

Everybody was at a stand-still.

We were stopped for a few minutes before people started getting out of their cars to check it out. I went with a friend to go see what was happening. I only got to see broken glass and car parts before another guy told us we'd be better off not looking because it was a gruesome scene.

Luckily we listened.

We were maybe 100 feet from the accident. A father and his 4-year-old boy were dead. A car traveling north lost control, flew through the median ditch, and hit a car going south, with the father and son.

The driver of the car that lost control was 19 and he wasn't wearing a seat belt. Neither was his passenger. They were launched from the car and had to be airlifted to the hospital.

The accident is tragic, but being so close to it was so unnerving. It still is. If I didn't have to run into the hotel one last time before we left, if our driver actually drove the speed limit, if we waited to get gas... if any little thing changed, it could have been us.

Nothing separated our car from that fate except mere feet and a handful of seconds.

It's dumbfounding to think about and I'm not sure how to feel about it, either. On one hand, I'm obviously very thankful and lucky to be ok. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder why it wasn't us. What's that called? Survivor's guilt? I mean, that boy was 4. He never got the chance to do much of anything before he was taken away.

Why am I still here?

It's sad and it's weird and the more information that comes out about it, the more complicated my feelings become. I've never been so close to death before. I'm not sure I like it, to be honest.

Read about the accident here: http://www.startribune.com/local/west/69599407.html?elr=KArks:DCiUHc3E7_V_nDaycUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiUr