Mood: content
I've been hearing the phrase "no promises" lately all over the place. Not just to me, either. I've just been hearing it around.
Can we hang out this weekend? No promises.
Do you think there will be any openings? No promises.
Are you coming to see me? No promises.
To be honest, I'm glad people aren't making me promises. Promises suck. Because then I'll get all excited and be like "Oh, well, they promised." And then, inevitably, nothing comes to be from those promises and I'm left feeling burned and angry.
So, actually, I'm not looking for promises. I'm not that stupid. In a perfect world we could actually commit to each other and have giving someone our word be some sort of sacred bond that is in some way significant to both parties... but it's not like that at all. We live in a world that's much too busy and much too tired for that.
Instead, we deal in "maybe"s and hope that that'll be good enough for someone. But sometimes that's just as frustrating.
Hm.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
96 days and counting
Mood: annoyed >:|
When I was little, my teacher told me that the world revolved around a swirling ball of fire in space and that without it, we'd die.
Well, I was young then and stupid to believe her. 15 years later, I'm seeing very little evidence of this mystical fireball that supposedly helps to sustain life on the planet.
I don't know what Iowa did to piss off the sun so badly, but I'd like to personally apologize.
Heck, I even like the snow. No, I LOVE the snow. I am snow's biggest fan. Even when I'm surrounded by haters, my love prevails. I'm out, loud and proud in my love for snow. But this... this has absolutely got to stop.
In four years I've experienced record-breaking snowfall and flooding. I've had enough of bizarre weather phenomena, thankyouverymuch.
And, naturally, I picked this year to move off campus, meaning I have to commute each morning in the bitter cold after I pick solid sheets of ice off of my car. That's always the best part, I think. Luckily, I get to do it more than once a day because new ice likely accumulated while I was in class.
As a second-semester senior, I can honestly say I don't need additional reasons to want to skip classes. I don't need any other motivation-killing factors to prevent me from going to school. I have plenty of those. The position has been filled. No longer accepting applications.
So, snow, thank you for your interest, but you can clear out now. Best of luck to you on your other endeavors.
When I was little, my teacher told me that the world revolved around a swirling ball of fire in space and that without it, we'd die.
Well, I was young then and stupid to believe her. 15 years later, I'm seeing very little evidence of this mystical fireball that supposedly helps to sustain life on the planet.
I don't know what Iowa did to piss off the sun so badly, but I'd like to personally apologize.
Heck, I even like the snow. No, I LOVE the snow. I am snow's biggest fan. Even when I'm surrounded by haters, my love prevails. I'm out, loud and proud in my love for snow. But this... this has absolutely got to stop.
In four years I've experienced record-breaking snowfall and flooding. I've had enough of bizarre weather phenomena, thankyouverymuch.
And, naturally, I picked this year to move off campus, meaning I have to commute each morning in the bitter cold after I pick solid sheets of ice off of my car. That's always the best part, I think. Luckily, I get to do it more than once a day because new ice likely accumulated while I was in class.
As a second-semester senior, I can honestly say I don't need additional reasons to want to skip classes. I don't need any other motivation-killing factors to prevent me from going to school. I have plenty of those. The position has been filled. No longer accepting applications.
So, snow, thank you for your interest, but you can clear out now. Best of luck to you on your other endeavors.
Monday, February 8, 2010
97 days and counting
Mood: Happy :)
As a second-semester senior, I have a lot of stress in my life. May 17th is nothing but a giant question mark right now. And it's probably going to stay that way for quite some time.
That being the case, I decided recently that I have absolutely no room in my life for additional stress. So I'm cutting it all out. I quit my job, I got some closure on an old friendship, I cleaned out my closet and organized a bunch of school stuff.
It sounds like it's just a string of little things, but they add up to be a pretty big deal. We have a lot of jobs and responsibilities in life, but I like to think that my first priority is to be happy and feel good about myself at the end of the day and if little stuff like that helps, then I'd be stupid not to do it.
The less stressed and cluttered my life is, the easier it is for me to focus on things that matter. Magical, right?
As a second-semester senior, I have a lot of stress in my life. May 17th is nothing but a giant question mark right now. And it's probably going to stay that way for quite some time.
That being the case, I decided recently that I have absolutely no room in my life for additional stress. So I'm cutting it all out. I quit my job, I got some closure on an old friendship, I cleaned out my closet and organized a bunch of school stuff.
It sounds like it's just a string of little things, but they add up to be a pretty big deal. We have a lot of jobs and responsibilities in life, but I like to think that my first priority is to be happy and feel good about myself at the end of the day and if little stuff like that helps, then I'd be stupid not to do it.
The less stressed and cluttered my life is, the easier it is for me to focus on things that matter. Magical, right?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
98 days and counting
Mood: content :)
It's easy for me to panic. I can't help it sometimes. I've gotten progressively better, though. In high school it felt like my whole world was ending about twice a week.
But lately, despite the fact that my impending graduation is inching closer and my plans for May 17th aren't even starting to shape up, I can't help but feel like everything is totally ok.
I was rereading my blog a while ago and realized that so much has changed in 3.5 years just at school. I'm not at all the same person.
Coming to college meant that everything changed. And it was really exciting. So many good things came from it, right? Right.
So why should I fear this change? Why should I doubt my ability to adapt again?
Sometimes I feel like that's just a waste of time. I can do anything I want. The world is my playground and I've had too many pixie sticks.
It's kind of a great feeling.
It's easy for me to panic. I can't help it sometimes. I've gotten progressively better, though. In high school it felt like my whole world was ending about twice a week.
But lately, despite the fact that my impending graduation is inching closer and my plans for May 17th aren't even starting to shape up, I can't help but feel like everything is totally ok.
I was rereading my blog a while ago and realized that so much has changed in 3.5 years just at school. I'm not at all the same person.
Coming to college meant that everything changed. And it was really exciting. So many good things came from it, right? Right.
So why should I fear this change? Why should I doubt my ability to adapt again?
Sometimes I feel like that's just a waste of time. I can do anything I want. The world is my playground and I've had too many pixie sticks.
It's kind of a great feeling.
99 days and counting
I spend most of my weekends volunteering all over the city. It's fun because I meet a lot of new people and I get to see more of Des Moines... and I get to go to really cool events for free and can usually spend a little extra time after my volunteer shift hanging out and milling around the place.
Today was skywalk golf, a fundraiser for Des Moines to help have more free events in the city. I'm a big fan of free events. Probably because I'm poor.
Anyway, all these sponsors come they each get one hole to decorate mini-golf style, effectively covering all 3+ miles of the Des Moines skywalk system. It's pretty awesome, actually.
I volunteered at the ARL hole, which was an intricate design made of dog biscuits. All the golfers liked to saunter up to the hole and make all the same jokes that the last golfers made. "Heh, heh. Looks like someone's hungry. They took a bite out of that one." And "too bad I didn't bring my dog. He'd clear out all these bones and give me a straight shot." And "If I get a hole in one, do I get a free puppy?"
I laughed on the outside and rolled my eyes on the inside. Most of the golfers were older gentleman who had already enjoyed an adult beverage or two or three by the time they got to our hole. And my shift ended at noon, so they started a little early.
My favorite, though, was a man dressed as Elvis who was walking around with a posse of pink ladies. The took requests, apparently, and performed "Hound Dog" for us (while swing dancing with another volunteer.)
He then proceeded to hand me a couple of dollars for a donation for the ARL and slap my butt as he walked away.
Today was skywalk golf, a fundraiser for Des Moines to help have more free events in the city. I'm a big fan of free events. Probably because I'm poor.
Anyway, all these sponsors come they each get one hole to decorate mini-golf style, effectively covering all 3+ miles of the Des Moines skywalk system. It's pretty awesome, actually.
I volunteered at the ARL hole, which was an intricate design made of dog biscuits. All the golfers liked to saunter up to the hole and make all the same jokes that the last golfers made. "Heh, heh. Looks like someone's hungry. They took a bite out of that one." And "too bad I didn't bring my dog. He'd clear out all these bones and give me a straight shot." And "If I get a hole in one, do I get a free puppy?"
I laughed on the outside and rolled my eyes on the inside. Most of the golfers were older gentleman who had already enjoyed an adult beverage or two or three by the time they got to our hole. And my shift ended at noon, so they started a little early.
My favorite, though, was a man dressed as Elvis who was walking around with a posse of pink ladies. The took requests, apparently, and performed "Hound Dog" for us (while swing dancing with another volunteer.)
He then proceeded to hand me a couple of dollars for a donation for the ARL and slap my butt as he walked away.
Friday, February 5, 2010
100 days and counting
Fanfare, please.
I learned to count! Today is officially 100 days until graduation. Yikes.
I think I'll start each post with my mood. So...
Mood: Oddly optimistic.
__________
I hate networking events. Well, I do and I don't. Great opportunity? Yes. Do I feel like a good-for-nothing poser when I go? Absolutely.
There's just something so fake about a room full of people networking. It just feels unnatural and so forced and expected. Schmoozers and phonies.
On the other hand, it's wonderful when you make a connection completely out of the blue. When it happens kind of organically it feels more real. Like you're not just collecting business cards for your own selfish aims.
I spent this afternoon emailing back and forth with a woman at the animal shelter. I signed up for a volunteer event and noticed her name sounded familiar. She used to work in my department before moving to the shelter, so I struck up a conversation with her about her job.
She told me all about how rewarding it is to work for a non-profit and actually feel good about the work she's doing. It was really inspiring, actually. I've been looking into the non-profit thing a lot lately and I was encouraged by the things she told me.
She also gave me good guidance about where to look and who to contact about possible openings.
Today I found out that one of the professional doors in my life will likely be closing soon. And after talking to this lady, I feel like it's a blessing in disguise, really. It's not exactly a closed-door-open-window scenario, but I'm at least looking into other windows, and that's a start.
I could feel down, but I think it's just that the winds are changing and for the first time in a long, long time, I feel less tired, less jaded, and, dare I say it, motivated.
I learned to count! Today is officially 100 days until graduation. Yikes.
I think I'll start each post with my mood. So...
Mood: Oddly optimistic.
__________
I hate networking events. Well, I do and I don't. Great opportunity? Yes. Do I feel like a good-for-nothing poser when I go? Absolutely.
There's just something so fake about a room full of people networking. It just feels unnatural and so forced and expected. Schmoozers and phonies.
On the other hand, it's wonderful when you make a connection completely out of the blue. When it happens kind of organically it feels more real. Like you're not just collecting business cards for your own selfish aims.
I spent this afternoon emailing back and forth with a woman at the animal shelter. I signed up for a volunteer event and noticed her name sounded familiar. She used to work in my department before moving to the shelter, so I struck up a conversation with her about her job.
She told me all about how rewarding it is to work for a non-profit and actually feel good about the work she's doing. It was really inspiring, actually. I've been looking into the non-profit thing a lot lately and I was encouraged by the things she told me.
She also gave me good guidance about where to look and who to contact about possible openings.
Today I found out that one of the professional doors in my life will likely be closing soon. And after talking to this lady, I feel like it's a blessing in disguise, really. It's not exactly a closed-door-open-window scenario, but I'm at least looking into other windows, and that's a start.
I could feel down, but I think it's just that the winds are changing and for the first time in a long, long time, I feel less tired, less jaded, and, dare I say it, motivated.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Neighbors
Back in, I dunno, October or so, the guy who lived directly across the hall from me moved out of his apartment because part of his ceiling caved in.
Seriously.
We were having pretty cray rains and his living room wall was just a waterfall. It was ridiculous. I saw it for myself.
Anyway, I was a big fan of Mr. 71. He seemed to drink a lot, but was really quiet about it so I didn't mind. And he came and went at weird hours so I never really had awkward confrontations with him in the hallway. He kept to himself and had a cute kitty and he was everything a neighbor should be.
But he moved to a different unit in a different building after his roof mishap and the apartment has been empty ever since.
Which has been nice, really. My roommate and I have our end of the hall all to ourselves.
At least, we did. Until yesterday.
Yesterday new tenants moved in and I already don't like them. I saw them and they struck me as shady and my roommate agreed. We just don't know what, exactly, is shady about them. We can't put our fingers on it at all. And it's horrible because it makes me feel like a judgmental jerk.
But they moved in anyway and I realized that I've become kind of defensive of my building. I don't much care for the people who live in it, but they're apart of it just as I'm apart of it and I see new people as kind of intruders for some reason. And I don't get it.
I always had this fantastic idea of living in an apartment and being super buddy-buddy with the neighbors and hanging out at each others' places and stuff, but it's really nothing like that at all. My life is not an episode of Friends. Imagine that.
It's mostly families that live in my building, so maybe that has something to do with it. But still, I find I really don't like even running into them in passing on my way in or out.
Anyway, I feel awkward especially now with the new neighbors because they're like RIGHT THERE. Like across the hall. I've never really lived directly across the hall from anybody before. It's weird and I don't like it.
And, here's the icing on the cake, the shady new neighbors have a dog. I haven't seen it, but I heard it and it's a smallish dog that only takes a break from yapping its head off when it whines about something.
Sigh.
Seriously.
We were having pretty cray rains and his living room wall was just a waterfall. It was ridiculous. I saw it for myself.
Anyway, I was a big fan of Mr. 71. He seemed to drink a lot, but was really quiet about it so I didn't mind. And he came and went at weird hours so I never really had awkward confrontations with him in the hallway. He kept to himself and had a cute kitty and he was everything a neighbor should be.
But he moved to a different unit in a different building after his roof mishap and the apartment has been empty ever since.
Which has been nice, really. My roommate and I have our end of the hall all to ourselves.
At least, we did. Until yesterday.
Yesterday new tenants moved in and I already don't like them. I saw them and they struck me as shady and my roommate agreed. We just don't know what, exactly, is shady about them. We can't put our fingers on it at all. And it's horrible because it makes me feel like a judgmental jerk.
But they moved in anyway and I realized that I've become kind of defensive of my building. I don't much care for the people who live in it, but they're apart of it just as I'm apart of it and I see new people as kind of intruders for some reason. And I don't get it.
I always had this fantastic idea of living in an apartment and being super buddy-buddy with the neighbors and hanging out at each others' places and stuff, but it's really nothing like that at all. My life is not an episode of Friends. Imagine that.
It's mostly families that live in my building, so maybe that has something to do with it. But still, I find I really don't like even running into them in passing on my way in or out.
Anyway, I feel awkward especially now with the new neighbors because they're like RIGHT THERE. Like across the hall. I've never really lived directly across the hall from anybody before. It's weird and I don't like it.
And, here's the icing on the cake, the shady new neighbors have a dog. I haven't seen it, but I heard it and it's a smallish dog that only takes a break from yapping its head off when it whines about something.
Sigh.
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